The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
