why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
where does the pee come out of this thing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
