When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
