no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
