My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
