Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
