Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
