Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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