I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
