Ambien. No doubt about it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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