How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
