I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
