you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
