Just fell off a train. Bad.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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