after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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