grandma shit on top of the toilet
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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