so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
everyone is single if you try hard enough
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
