How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
