Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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