Sponge bath it is.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
