just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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