I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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