You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
