I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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