its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
