I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
