My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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