Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
