I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will be naked everywhere
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
