i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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