If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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