nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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