I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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