honey bunches of taint.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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