i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
