Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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