sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
