There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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