We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
