tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
