Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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