why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
