And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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