What tipped you off? The sombrero?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
