You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
