I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
