Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
