Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
