I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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