Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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