First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
